I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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