its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
