It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
