She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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