Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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