you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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