the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
whose ass print is on the piano?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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