Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
