Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
