I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
