omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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