I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Randomize
