kristin has been a bad kristin
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
