I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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