This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
