There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
