sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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