you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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