just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
