Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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