he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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