i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
