so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
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