But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
