I need help removing her.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
