i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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