I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
