I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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