I accidentally burped into my bong.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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