Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
