You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
