atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
