Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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