I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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