I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Pappa wants mamma naked
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize