I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
