Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
