You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
