shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize