Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I have feelings that need drinking.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
