I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
