I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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