I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
