her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize