I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
