I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Randomize
