So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
