there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
