Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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