just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
she told me i tasted like america
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
