about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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