And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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