he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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