i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Randomize
