I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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