a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
