Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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