i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
