? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Those nachos came to me in a dream
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
