things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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