Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
