So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
